Innocence of the Heart
by November Leaving
Summary: later on considered rating R I'm sorry but during an act of stupidity I uploaded all the chapters at once! Sorry! The story is about Harry, his love fro Ron and the long, difficult road Harry must take to find love
1. Default Chapter

Title: Innocence of the Heart  
  
Author: Ashley  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Harry has just discovered his feelings for his friend Ron. He doesn't know how to handle or tell Ron about his feelings so he does what most men do. He pushes Ron away. So Harry does everything in his power to get Ron out of his life. Of course it doesn't work.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Wish I did though!  
  
A/N: this is my first fanfic so please be nice! R&R please no flames. Also I'm sorry for those who were kinda confused about all the chapters I had all in one. I had a temporary lapse of stupidity! So I'm going to try and separate the chapters.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter One  
  
  
  
It was mid-summer; Harry had convinced Mr. Dursley to let him stay at the Burrow with the Weasleys. Mr. Dursley was happy to oblige, "Whatever it takes to keep that magic shit out of my house!" he exclaimed. Harry didn't really care what he said about magic, others like him, the magic world or anything else associated with it. 'Those People' (as Uncle Vernon called them) gave him a love and comfort that a family should give him. Unlike the Dursleys, who would be happy if he had never even showed up on their doorstep.  
  
His family is all Harry ever wanted and with the help of the magic world, he had found a second family in the Weasleys. The magic he could perform is the only connection he has with his biological family. He has, though, seen them in photos or the one time he stumbled upon the Mirror of Erised. But he still yearned to have a father to talk to and to teach him spells he didn't understand. He wanted a mother who'd console him in his time of need.  
  
Now that he was here, in the Burrow, surrounded by the hussle and bussle of Mrs. Weasley shouting at the twins for giving Ginny a Ton-Tongue Toffee (Ginny mumbling and crying with her tongue hanging out of her mouth), Harry actually felt at peace.  
  
Harry sat in the kitchen with Ron, listening to Fred and George's feeble excuses. "Wonder what Mum's going to do to them?" asked Ron.  
  
Harry shrugged his shoulders. He looked through the doorway to see if Ginny's tongue had finally shrank back to normal. It hadn't.  
  
".... Now go find the anti-spell for that toffee and apologize to your poor sister!" Mrs. Weasley announced.  
  
"Yes Mum." they said in unison. George went to Ginny and put a comforting arm around her while Fred went upstairs to go get his wand. Harry smiled, wishing he could have this. A family and siblings to get him into trouble and vise versa. Even though Dudley intentionally gets Harry in trouble whenever possible, he always thought it would be different.  
  
He turned his attention to Ron. Harry watched as Ron flipped through a special-edition magazine of the English Qudditch team Hermione sent him. 'Where would I be without my dearest friend?' Harry questioned himself. 'Dead or in the clutches of Voldemort.' Ron shifted uneasily in his chair.  
  
"Are you staring at me, Harry?" he asked while reading an article of Harrison Jude, the new Keeper of the team.  
  
"Oh sorry! I was just thinking."  
  
"Well, don't hurt yourself there."  
  
"I won't." Harry said, not truly listening to the conversation. Ron chuckled lightly, not believing he had just gotten away with saying such a comment.  
  
"What?" inquired Harry. "Is there something I missed?". His brow was slightly furrowed.  
  
"Nothing! Nothing!" Ron laughed harder.  
  
"I want to know!"  
  
"Nevermind. If you haven't gotten the joke yet, then it just goes to prove that the great, brave, courageous and smart Harry Potter is a stupid little git like the rest of us!"  
  
Harry just looked at him incredulously. He, soon, cracked a smile and playfully shoved Ron of the stool. Ron fell of the stool and landed on the floor with a thud; it was Harry's turn to laugh. No sooner had Harry calm down, Ron yanked the stool from under him. They both erupted into a new fit of giggles. Minutes passed before they could find their composure, not before Percy passed by saying (under his breath) "So juvenile."  
  
Ron was the first up. "Need some help?" he held out his hand. Harry grasped it and pulled himself up.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Anytime." Ron smiled as he sat back down to his stool, going back to his article. Harry picked up his stool and sat it upright. As he sat, he let out a loud sigh.  
  
"What?" asked Ron.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"No," he smiled " I'm bored is all."  
  
"What do you want to do then?"  
  
"You can study some!" said Mrs. Weasley as she entered the kitchen with Ginny. Her tongue was back to normal.  
  
"Ugh, mum! Why?! Do we really have to?" Ron whined.  
  
"Yes. Now that you are in your 5th year, you will be taking the O.W.L.s (Ordinary Wizarding Levels). Which, might I add, Fred and George didn't do to good on them when they took it." she answered. Fred and George instantly popped up in the doorway.  
  
"Did someone say our names?" they said in stereo.  
  
"Yes, mum was just telling Ron and Harry about how you two barely passed the O.L.W.s." said Ginny with a smirk on her face.  
  
"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Mum, come on. That was then and this is now." he said with a slight roll of his eyes.  
  
"Yup. We aren't always goofing off." George chimed in. "We are now in our seventh and final year at dear ole Hogwarts."  
  
"I don't know how you even made it this far." sighed Mrs.Weasley. "Like I was saying, Ron take Harry upstairs and go study." She watched as Ron took his sweet time to get up from his chair.  
  
"That was an order!"  
  
Even though Ron was much taller that her, he could have easily take her on. But this was his mother and no one in their right mind would ever take her on.  
  
"Alright..............Alright, come on Harry." Ron muttered as he collected his magazine. He and Harry headed up to his room.  
  
"So what should we go over first: Herbology, Divination or Defense Against the Dark Arts?" asked Harry as he sat down on the floor next to Ron's desk.  
  
"Well, we can easily eliminate Divination." grumbled Ron as he plopped down on the seat next to the desk. Harry agreed. Even though it was one of their classes consisting of only Gryffindors, no Malfoy to deal with, he couldn't stand it. Especially since he seemed to be the only one who got nothing but deadly premonitions and bad omens.  
  
"Maybe we can finish up our essay on the Sundeath root for Herbology." suggested Ron.  
  
"Sure, why not?" Harry gathered his scrolls, well of ink and eagle feather quill from his trunk and settled back down on the floor. Ron did the same as they got to work.  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
Harry wrote the last words on his scrolls. "Finished!" he declared.  
  
"Oy! what?" Ron looked astonished. " You wrote an essay, 1 3/4 scrolls I might add, in less than an hour!" he exclaimed, still scratching away at his piece of parchment.  
  
"Uh-huh." Harry smiled.  
  
"Good, me too." said Ron as he dropped his quill on the desktop. "So what now?"  
  
"Uh...Defense Against the Dark Arts?" wondered Harry as he took out his wand.  
  
"Sure, still having problems being on the defense?"  
  
Harry felt quite embarrassed that he couldn't protect himself, in this case, against a simple bondage spell. He'd protected himself against the Dark Lord four times, from Snape (getting into trouble at least) and Dementors or Malfoy and his goons dressed up as some. But everyone has their faults, right?  
  
"Ready there Harry?"  
  
"Sure." He was slightly nervous.  
  
"Woveanum." a long serpent-like piece of rope flew out of the end of Ron's wand. Before Harry could say the anti-spell which reflects the spell or object back to the person, he felt the rope coil around him. Harry fell back instantly from the force of the ropes.  
  
"A little help here Ron." mumbled Harry as the ropes began to slowly grow around his face.  
  
"Oh! Sorry! Convertean!"  
  
The ropes went limp. Ron walked over to Harry and started to undo them. "You really are horrible at this." laughed Ron as he undid the ropes around Harry's neck and arms, then hands. Harry wriggled free, slightly winded.  
  
"Oh, shut your bloody mouth!" He rubbed his wrists.  
  
"Rope burns?" Ron inquired. Harry simply shook his head yes. "Follow me." Ron, then, instructed as they headed down the hall to the bathroom. Ron reached for the 'Bonnie's Burns Cream' in the medicine cabinet.  
  
"Might be a bit cold." No sooner had he said this, the ice-cold cream was applied. Harry shivered.  
  
"Do you store that thing in the freezer?!"  
  
"What's a freezer?" Ron looked up quizzically. Harry had forgotten that Ron had never seen one since he didn't live in the Muggle world.  
  
"Nevermind." he sighed.  
  
"Anyway, I'm almost done." Ron finished rubbing the cream into the wounds; they disappeared instantly. "Good as new then."  
  
"Thank you." Harry gave him a smile of gratitude.  
  
"Come then." Ron left the bathroom to go back to his room. Harry had a new sort of warm tingle flow through his wrists, soon it went through his whole body.  
  
' Could it be Lord Voldemort?' No, it couldn't be. That only happened to his forehead, plus that burned. This feeling was almost euphoric.  
  
"Then what could it be?" he wondered aloud. A lopsided grin fell apon his face.  
  
"What?" Ron questioned, standing in the doorway.  
  
"Nothing.....let's try that spell again."  
  
"Alright but you might want to bring the burn cream with you."  
  
Harry smiled and walked out with Ron.  
  
"On second thought…,"announced Harry as they reached Ron's room. "I might need it later on." Harry ran back towards the bathroom and moments layer returned with the ointment. 


	2. 2

Disclaimer: I don't own them.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
  
  
  
  
The summer flew by and it was the day before Harry and Ron would be heading back to Hogwarts. Harry and Ron went outside to enjoy the last day of August. As they walked out, August humidity washed over them.  
  
"Can we please get under the shade." pleaded Harry. He turned to Ron just in time to see him turn a light shade of pink from the heat.  
  
"Certainly." he stated as he headed towards the weeping willow tree. Harry followed; he has sort of a fluttery feeling he couldn't quite put his finger on. As of lately he had this feeling quite often.  
  
'It doesn't feel like I accidentally ate flobberworms for breakfast. It feels more like I'm about to play in a Qudditch match for the Hogwarts' Quidditch Cup.' Harry thought.  
  
"Coming Harry?"  
  
"Oh yeah!"  
  
He ran under the cover of the tree where it instantly went down a few degrees. He propped himself against the tree trunk and relaxed against the light breeze blowing across his face.  
  
"Now this is what dreams are made of." sighed Ron in total ecstasy.  
  
Harry looked over to his right to see Ron next to him.  
  
"I guess." Harry replied. He completely turned his head to look fully at Ron. His eyes were closed, as if he was asleep. His face displayed a serene look. It was as if, in this blistering heat and smothering humidity, he was at complete and utter peace. Harry looked upon Ron's cheeks, which were now turning a reddish-pink; sweat was now collected on his forehead. His hair seemed to be a darker sort of red, sticking to the sides of his head.  
  
Harry eyes went to Ron's thin yet soft-looking lips. As the weeks went by Harry found himself fixated at studying those lips. They were parted. Harry found himself transfixed on Ron's tongue as it darted out every so often to collect the sweat collecting above his lip. For some strange reason Harry had an urge to draw his tongue into his mouth. To feel the light weight of it on top of his. To gently scrape the tiny buds...............  
  
'NO! NO! NO! That's sick! Why would you think that?' Harry screamed inside his head. 'How could you think Ron's tongue in your mouth? How do you even know if he's gay?'  
  
'Kiss him! That's the only way.' said another. It sounded a whole lot calmer, as if it was no big deal.  
  
'How can you just say that? It's WAY more complicated that Oh just kiss him! what if he looks at you like you're a right wanker? Or...or what if he punches your lights out and never, ever speaks to you again. You know you couldn't live with yours--'  
  
He was cut off by the other voice in his head.  
  
'What if he turns to you, looks at you with those brown beautiful eyes, which always seems to makes us go weak in the knees, and says what you've always wished he would.'  
  
'Which is?'  
  
'I've been waiting for you to do that for so long.'  
  
'He would never say that. What if he----' the voice was one again cut off.  
  
'Oh come on! Who the bloody hell are you?Huh?'  
  
'Harry Potter.'  
  
'Correct! The-Boy-Who-Lived! The boy who, as a baby, defeated the Dark Lord. and has gone up against him numerous times. You have laughed in the face of danger so many times. But now your afraid to simply kiss the boy who you now discovered you have a growing crush on. Do you actually think you're best friend will shun you forever?'  
  
'No, but you've got one thing wrong.'  
  
'What now?' the other voice sighed.  
  
'I think we're absolutely in love with the boy.'  
  
"I am, aren't I?" Harry whispered aloud.  
  
"You're what?" said Ron as he turned his head towards him.  
  
"Nothing........."  
  
"Harry, what's wrong with you?" Ron peered into Harry's eyes questioningly. "Are those Muggles treating you bloody awful again?"  
  
"No....just thinking."  
  
"Well lately you've been doing alot of that."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with it is there?" Harry sounded a little defensive. For some reason, now, he didn't want Ron anywhere near him.  
  
"No, but there's no fucking reason for you to yell at me!"  
  
"I got a lot on my mind is all."  
  
"You know I'm always here. We can talk about it?"  
  
"I'm okay!" Harry suddenly stood up. Ron also stood up and but a his hand on his arm.  
  
"I know you're alright! It's just that you seem a little tense."  
  
Harry yanked his arm away from Ron's ginger touch. The last thing he needed was Ron's reassuring smiles and touches. One soft smile would probably send Harry into a frenzy which would end with him either telling his secret love to Ron or end up a sexual ball of energy causing him to spend some time alone, if you get my drift.  
  
"Oh leave me the hell alone! You don't know what the hell kind of tension I've got bottled up. I'm, for one, starting to fear for my life with every night I wake with my scar burning like Hell!"  
  
"WHAT! Your scars been bothering you?"  
  
"SHUT UP! Don't ever interrupt me!"  
  
Ron looked at Harry shocked with a bit of anger mixed in.  
  
"I have this ever watchful eye on me wherever I go! People always and only look at the scar, the black hair and automatically...GAWK at me!" Harry took deep breath and slowly let it out. "I'm sick and tired of being know as The-Boy-Who-Lived, 'Harry Potter' they gasped. You know what? I'm tired of being Harry Potter. If they could only see who I really am. I'm just a boy who's trying to make it through his final years at Hogwarts. Trying to get through Potions without Snape having to hate me more than he already does, which really seems impossible. Trying to make it through without killing Malfoy. If they only knew that side of me. I just want to be normal. All I ever wanted was to be a normal boy. I want to have both of my parents!"  
  
Harry started to huff and puff, gasping for air. Ron looked on sympathetically as Harry paced back and forth. Harry saw this and it made him sick.  
  
"Don't look at me like that! Like you understand (he put this into quotation marks)! It positively sickens me! You DON'T know what it's like. If you what to try and understand it, go ahead! I've got time. But what makes it so difficult is that now I have a crush on someone and they will never think of me in that way!" Harry soon regretted saying that as he slowly slid back down to the ground, trying to figure out what to do know.  
  
"Who is it? Is it that girl? What's her name......uh Cho Chang."  
  
"No." Harry whispered. "How could you think it was her?"  
  
Ron sat down directly in front of him. "Who is it then? Hermione?"  
  
'Yes, just say yes. As long as you don't tell! At least not know.' the voice yelled in Harry's head.  
  
"It's a boy?" sighed Harry, lowering his head in shame and fear. Fear for what Ron was going to say.  
  
"A boy?"  
  
"Yes.......Ron, I'm..........well, you know." He took a deep breath. "I'm gay."  
  
Ron stuck out a finger under Harry's chin and raised it so his brown eyes meet Harry's emerald ones. "What are you ashamed of? That really took guts, to tell me that."  
  
"Really?" Harry was on the brink of tears. "You're not mad or nothing?"  
  
"Of course not, you silly prat!" Ron smiled that reassuring smile full of tenderness. Harry felt slightly at ease.  
  
"Was I the first person you told?"  
  
Harry nodded his head in response.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?'  
  
"Hold me." Harry looked into Ron's eyes just as a tear slid down his face. Ron leaned over and wiped it away. He, then, pulled him into his arms as Harry let out a muffled sob.  
  
They sat there, Harry's face buried in Ron's chest and Ron comforting him, for who knows how long. Their body heat making it feel 20 degrees hotter, yet they sat there. Ron continued to console him, rubbing his back soothingly.  
  
'He smells wonderful' his inner voice sighed. Ron leaned in a little closer. Then it dawned on him how close the two were. He freaked, pushing Ron away and haughtily rose to his feet. Ron had a look of sheer surprise on his face while Harry angrily wiped away his tears.  
  
"What's wrong now?"  
  
"DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!" he shouted.  
  
"You don't have to pretend to be big, brave Harry Potter around me! I thought you knew that."  
  
"This never happened, got it?" Harry pointed at Ron with every word.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with being gay!" Ron quickly got to his feet and rested a hand on his shoulder. Harry looked on as if were pure evil; Ron instantly retracted it.  
  
"Don't touch me you fag." Harry seethed.  
  
"Oh, I didn't know I was the fag. See, not more than 10 minutes ago, you confided in me and told me that YOU were the fucking queer."  
  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A QUEER! I knew I shouldn't have told you!" Harry stomped away.  
  
"Don't you dare turn your back to me! What, don't think I can handle the Harry Potter? I'm too low of a person to be able to handle the famous Harry Potter's business? YOU HOMO!" He screamed  
  
Harry stalked back towards the Burrow. 'Smooth move, Potter.' said the calmer voice. 


	3. 3

Disclaimer: I don't' own them  
  
Chapter Three  
  
  
  
That very night went by without Harry or Ron speaking to one another. Harry didn't even come to Ron's room to sleep. His trunk and Hedwig's cage was missing, but at this point Ron could care less where he was. A matter of fact, Harry could be in the clutches of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, being tortured with the Cruciatus Curse. Ron could simply care less.  
  
As morning came and went, Ron found himself passing through the wall that separated Platform 9 and 10. He looked on (searching for Hermione) at the crowds of Hogwarts students.  
  
"Ron, dear, hurry now. You don't want to want to miss you train." Mrs. Weasleys said. Apparently, she had already said her good-byes to the others. He saw them through the windows. Hermione was on board.  
  
"Oh.........bye, Mum." said Ron flatly. He boarded the train, looking for a compartment as far away from Harry as humanly possible.  
  
"Ron! Hey Ron! Wait up!" called Hermione.  
  
"Hi." he said dully.  
  
"Well, don't sound so happy. It's only me." she said, dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Sorry, Hermione. I've got a lot on my mind." he headed towards the compartment on the left side of the car. "Great Merlin, I'm starting to sound like him!" Ron mumbled as he shoved his trunk into in the overhead storage bin. After he managed to shut Pig up, by putting it under the seat, he looked up in time to see Harry enter the compartment across the hallway. Ron rolled his eyes as Harry looked in to see him and Hermione.  
  
"Hello, Harry. Have a nice holiday?" wondered Hermione as she sat in the seat adjacent to Ron.  
  
"Peachy! You?"  
  
"Nothing too unusual happened. Aren't you coming in?" she pointed to the empty seat.  
  
"Well, see, I don't like the company you are keeping." He glared at Ron maliciously.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, the newly weds are having trouble in paradise is all!" piped George. He put his arm around him.  
  
"Yeah!" added Fred, who was right behind him. "They just need some alone time."  
  
"Shut up!" Ron slammed the door shut.  
  
"How rude, dear brother!" muttered Fred from the other side of the door.  
  
"Leave him be." sighed Harry. A few moments later, they heard the faint click of the lock on the door.  
  
"Did I miss something?"  
  
"No!" Ron said gruffly.  
  
"What happened between you and Harry?"  
  
" Nothing."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes." he growled.  
  
"Sorry! No need to jump down my throat."  
  
"I know............sorry." He shifted positions so that he was facing the small window on the door. Truth be told, he wanted to get a better look to see if Harry would come back up.  
  
"Harry and me are just having problems. Nothing to get all worked up about."  
  
"I can see that you two are having problems. But what exactly happened?" Her brow was slightly frowed. She didn't want to have another fight come up between the two of them again; not after last year. It took weeks to before they could finally come to their senses.  
  
"It started yesterday."  
  
"Just yesterday?"  
  
"Yeah. Actually Harry was acting strange the whole time he was staying with us..." he began as he reminisced and told her of the times Harry hung around him. And how, when they were hang around, he was always "thinking" or looked plain troubled but never wanting help. He explained to Hermione about the whole blow-up Harry had; all the while she looked very puzzled.  
  
"..........The best part is that he goes of and tells me he's gay."  
  
"Harry is............gay?!" she sounded a bit skeptical. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Well, if he is, it would be best if you don't go and tell anyone who's willing to listen. You hear?"  
  
"Don't worry. I won't tell, unless he keeps on acting like a prat." Ron sneered.  
  
"Anyway," she rolled her eyes, "I wonder who is the boy he's thinking of?"  
  
"Do I care?" Ron snorted still trying to get a glimpse of Harry through the door. The window shade had just been pulled down.  
  
"You don't mind, do you?"  
  
"Mind, what?" He had finally gave up on the seeing Harry and took a seat across from her.  
  
"If he's gay?"  
  
"I may hate the fucking twat but I'm no homophobe!"  
  
"Good.....you two still have chance!" she mumbled while watching the scenery whiz by.  
  
"A chance for what? I am not talking to him if that is what you mean." he said as he crossed his arms.  
  
"Okay fine! I won't talk to him about getting the two of you together." Knowingly, she knew as soon as possible she would get his side of the story. She, too, crossed her arms.  
  
The train came to a stop. As Ron and Hermione gathered their things and opened the door, Harry, Fred and George came out.  
  
"Go ahead." said Ron.  
  
"No you." replied Harry.  
  
"No you!"  
  
"No--"  
  
"Will one of you please go?" muttered George. So Ron went ahead. 


	4. 4

Disclaimer: I don't own them  
  
  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Later that night, Harry sat himself down between Dean Thomas and Hermione in the Great Hall. Professor McGonagall came out with the usual stool and Sorting Hat, leading a long line of first years up to the top of the Great Hall.  
  
Even though this was his third time he had actually had a chance to sit in on the entire Sorting Hat process (including his time sorting), he just wanted to go to bed.  
  
'Fuck the Sorting Hat, fuck this whole first day back ceremony and fuck Ron.'  
  
'Isn't that what you want to do to him anyway!'  
  
'Not you again.' sighed the first voice.  
  
'Oh pipe down you puff! It's not my fault that you are miserable and in a depressing mood. If you didn't tell the boy to push him away you could, probably, be fucking the boy right now.'  
  
'Thanks............you really know how to brighten a person's day right up!'  
  
The Sorting Hat began its song:  
  
"A thousand years or more ago,  
  
When I was newly sewn,  
  
There lived four wizards of renown,  
  
Whose names are still well known,  
  
Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,  
  
Fair Ravenclaw, from glen,  
  
Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad,  
  
Shrewd Slytherin, from fen, ..."  
  
'This will never end will it?'  
  
'Nope.' muttered the voice in Harry's head.  
  
'Shut up!'  
  
'Make me! YOU just can't handle the fact that I have better ideas and I'm in touch with my feelings.'  
  
Harry didn't have an explanation to why, just recently, these voices kept coming back. He did have to admit, though, that the side that had told him to just kiss Ron was right. That was the side of Harry that always seemed to come out just in time to protect himself against danger, the side that always seemed to get him into mischief. This side was the one he was used to and relied apon. Now, however, the weaker, more anxious, worried voice dominated his every thought and action. He rarely paid any attention to it before.  
  
He just had to except the fact that he was in love with his best friend...............or ex-best friend. He had to understand that he would never spend nights talking to Ron, peering into his warm, inviting eyes, or feel Ron embracing him in the middle of the night because of the numerous nightmares that bring him out of his restless slumber. He had to comprehend the actuality of the whole thing. Ron would never love him.  
  
'But I still need him.' he decided. He would have to swallow his pride and apologize to him.  
  
Harry was interrupted by the Sorting Hat shouting out: 'RACHEAL ACHFORT................RAVENCLAW!'  
  
Hermione noticed Harry being unusually quiet.  
  
"Hey, Harry, what's wrong?" she interrogated. Harry clenched his fists, to help from keep his anger in control. He was tired of everyone asking what was the matter. Fred and George, 'What's wrong?', Mrs.Weasley, 'What's wrong?', Hagrid, 'What's wrong?', Ron, 'What's wrong?' and now Hermione.  
  
"Nothing." This reply came natural to him now. He didn't feel comfortable about telling her that he was gay; not yet at least.  
  
"Harry, why aren't you talking?"  
  
"I just don't feel very talkative tonight."  
  
"Why? Because you and Ron had a fight?"  
  
Bingo. The hot topic of the day. 'She did share a compartment with him on the train. Remember?'  
  
"Yes." he couldn't lie to her.  
  
"I...........um......well," she lowered her voice, "know your gay."  
  
"And." it sounded more like a statement than a question. Though he knew she could except it but there was always a possibility that she might not.........he didn't even want to contemplate that.  
  
"And why didn't you tell me? I would've understood."  
  
"I know. But I did just figure this out for myself over the summer holiday."  
  
"Why did you and Ron fight?"  
  
"No reason."  
  
"Harry please talk to me! Now I see what Ron meant." she sighed exasperatingly.  
  
"What did he say?" Harry needed to know upset was Ron with him.  
  
"He said you sounded quite distant almost as if you weren't there."  
  
"Did he act as if he was very upset with me?"  
  
"Come now, this is Ron we're speaking of." True, Ron was always easily angered by any and everything.  
  
'So why would he think of you as the exception?'  
  
'Because you wish he had some type of feelings for you. Maybe love. That always seems to make the anger and pain go away.'  
  
"Still was he shouting?" Harry rushed when he noticed he was about to slip back into a state of unconscious thought.  
  
"No, just seemed.....well......almost like you." Hermione said thoughtfully. "While he was talking to me, he kept on gazing out the window."  
  
"So. That doesn't seem to bad."  
  
"I mean he was looking out of our compartment window into the window of your compartment. Like he wanted, so desperately, to see a quick glimpse of something or some one."  
  
Before Harry could even react to this bit of news, the Sorting Hat once again interrupted him for the last time.  
  
"JAYDEN WATSON..............GRYFFINDOR!" Harry and the rest of their table clapped as the last of the first years came to join her new house. Professor McGonagall took the hat with the stool and carried them away. On cue, Professor Dumbledore rose from his seat.  
  
"Another year anew. For that I can only say: Eat up!" Magically, the golden plates filled with delicious assortments of food. Harry ate in silence. Soon the whole Hall filled with laughter, chatting with friends and the clattering of dishes.  
  
Harry turned to Hermione and said, "Can we talk about this whole situation with Ron and me later?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
Harry then turned his attention to his food, realizing he wasn't very hungry. He had to devise a plan to get Ron to speak to him.  
  
Remarkably the time went by rather quickly. Shortly thereafter, the student proceeded to their respectable towers.  
  
* * *  
  
As Harry got ready to bed, Ron headed towards the bed next to his. Harry slightly perked up. At least Ron wasn't too disgusted with Harry to sleep as far away from him as possible.  
  
'There's still hope that Ron will forgive me.' thought Harry. He put his glasses on the bedside table and climbed into bed.  
  
Just as he was about to close the curtains, he heard the slightest whisper coming from someone.  
  
"Goodnight, Harry."  
  
"Who said that?" he whispered back. Just as soon as he got his glasses back, he noticed Ron closing his curtains to the bed.  
  
'Maybe there's still hope, definitely.' Harry smiled to himself. He blew out the candle on his bedside table and went to sleep. 


	5. 5

Disclaimer: I don't own them  
  
  
  
Chapter Five  
  
The next day came rather quickly in Harry's opinion. Harry reluctantly got up and put on his glasses. He stifled a yawn; all he wanted to do was curl up and sleep the rest of the day away. A matter of fact, Harry wanted to sleep the rest of the school year away.  
  
When he slept, the pain and agony of this whole "in love with Ron" situation was less complicated. Harry would dream of Ron enveloping him with his strong and soft arms. He dreamed that Ron kept pressuring him to tell who he was in love with, on that Earth shattering August day. Then, Harry would confess of his genuine love he felt for Ron; Ron always felt the same way.  
  
Harry's favorite dream was the one where they were both covered in a sheer film of sweat. Ron embracing (Ron would always hold and Protect him in his dreams) and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. But Harry would always wake up. Having the emotions, faults, facts and disappointments that came with the real world bombard him.  
  
These feelings of longing and desperation hit him so fast, he thought that they had literally knocked the wind out of him. This is what seemed to send Harry into a world of darkness, depression and pain.  
  
Harry hastily wiped a tear away that slowly proceeded down his cheek. This appeared to have become a daily ritual ever since he had discovered his feelings for Ron.  
  
Harry put on his glasses. He turned to the bed on his right; Ron had already left. 'He must have already went down to breakfast.' he deciphered.  
  
He put on his clothes, draped his school robe over his arm, and dragged himself out of the 5th year boys' dorm room.  
  
'I'm not very hungry.' he decided as he headed down to the common room; he plopped down in one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace.  
  
The small fire, which really wasn't needed since it was early September, gave off a comforting warmth. It gave of a soothing energy that Harry so desperately craved. He had 30 minutes of peace until he needed to head out to Herbology.  
  
'So what do you want to do now?'  
  
'Writher up and die!' said the nervous voice. He had to agree; It hadn't even been a full 2 days and Harry wanted, no, yearned to speak with Ron. He knew his pride would get in the way and he would say something that Harry would surely regret later on.  
  
Indeed he was in love with Ron but he was beginning to feel unworthy of Ron.  
  
'Yup...you're absolutely right.' sighed the weaker voice. 'You should curl up and die! No one loves you.'  
  
'Yes they do!' screamed the other voice frantically. 'No on wants you dead!'  
  
'People do!'  
  
'Like who?'  
  
'The Dursleys and Voldemort.'  
  
'Oh, great picks,' it said sarcastically, 'they are the two most hate- filled people you know! The Dursleys, please!'  
  
'They are my family! My own flesh and blood...they hate me.'  
  
'SO!' the voice gradually became as soft as a whisper.  
  
'You should go up to Ron and call him poor white trash. Then he'll be another one who'll hate you.'  
  
Harry shuddered; Why was he having thoughts of killing himself and hate?  
  
'Because, now that you have pushed Ron away you will never find anyone like him.'  
  
The most horrifying thought crossed Harry's mind as he gazed into the fire: The voices were right.  
  
At that very moment, the weak, anxious, negative voice had power over Harry. The stronger voice had practically vanished.  
  
'I'm right Harry. You know I am. Cause Ron pain and agony...so he can feel what you are going through. Make him hate you, just like everyone else................Snape. Hermione, Draco, Hagrid and everyone else in Gryffindor Tower.'  
  
Tears silently made silvery paths down his face.  
  
'They don't want you. They are tired of the famous Harry Potter. Always bringing trouble with him (Voldemort). Remember last year. Cedric DIED because of you. Everyone resents you for that. Someone DIED because of you and your connection with the Dark Lord. You should've DIED the first time he had the chance to, when you were one years old.'  
  
Harry nodded his head as curled into a ball, rocking himself back and forth. The voice was right. He was nothing but trouble. People always got hurt whenever he was around Ron didn't deserve that; he was too perfect.  
  
'He his.' the voice said innocently. 'His creamy white skin, so soft and supple. That long lanky body now starting to fill out with muscle. That coppery-gold hair. His hair seems to made of satin: soft and shiny.'  
  
Harry smiled slightly.  
  
'But you'll never have him.'  
  
"What?!" Harry questioned.  
  
'He knows you're gay now. Haven't you ever hear of a little thing called homophobia? Crikey! Remember what happened to the guy in America.......what's his name? Oh yeah! Matthew Shepard. Two homophobes pistol whipped him, strung him on a fence like a deer and left him to die. And he did!'  
  
"Ron would never do that to me!" whimpered Harry.  
  
'Oh, he wouldn't. He's not gonna talk to you. He'll tell everyone you're secret. Everyone, including Dumbledore, will turn on you! You like men! I really don't mind it but others do!'  
  
Harry trembled, "Should I kill mys-"  
  
'No.'  
  
"Why not? I'll be with my parents. They are the only ones who love me!"  
  
'Nope, they're ashamed. Your poor mother. Died in vain. And for what? So her son can live and grow up to be a flamer!'  
  
"What can I do? I can't kill myself so what do I do?"  
  
'You are stuck aren't you? You can't die because no one is waiting for you. You can't live because you literally sicken people!'  
  
"So what do I have do to stop the pain?" Wondered Harry. He didn't care anymore that he was talking to himself; he needed to find away to feel better.  
  
'Find someone who isn't totally sickened by you. Duh, idiot!' it breathed agitatedly.  
  
"Yeah but you just said everyone hated me."  
  
'Yes but you have a body. A bloody sexy one at that.'  
  
It's true. The years of playing Quidditch had filled his scrawny built with muscle. His chest and abs were starting to become defined.  
  
'Have sex. If anyone will have sex with you, you might not be that disgusting. But you'll never get with Ron. Sex is the only way to give something of great value to someone: your body. If you gave up that one thing that only you have control of, someone will find that touching. Sex is another way to say making love. And love is what you want, right?'  
  
"Of course." murmured Harry. He finally understood what he had to do; Give up the most sacred thing he owned and have that person take away the pain.  
  
'Do it with whom ever you want! You are the famous Harry Potter. You're every girl and boys' wet dream. You'll find someone.'  
  
"What if I don't?"  
  
'Listen you prat! If you don't find anyone then you'll never find solace! You'll end up with a worse fate than if you had the Dementor's Kiss preformed on you!' the voice seethed gently in his ear.  
  
"Fine! Fine I'll do it!" Harry screeched to no one. The sobs suddenly ravaged his body as he sunk deeper into the chair.  
  
'No you won't!' it laughed viciously.  
  
"Yes I-"  
  
'HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING TO ME AT ALL?!'it shouted. 'NO ONE WANTS YOU!'  
  
"The pain won't stop, will it? The pain won't stop, will it?" mumbled Harry a she covered his ears.  
  
"Hey Harry! What won't stop?" Harry sat up; looking for the owner of the voice. He saw George and Fred coming down the steps.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Harry violently wiped away the salty tears. He noticed they had a certain glow about them; they had just finished having sex. Harry always knew that they were together. He thought it was positively sweet how they would always gaze into each other's eyes lovingly. How they shared secret smiles and winks that only each other knew the true meanings to. The only setback was the fact that they were brothers. It never seemed to bother them though.  
  
"Harry are you alright?" Fred asked, voice full of concern.  
  
"Yeah, of course." Harry got up and moved over to the couch. Fred and George followed.  
  
"Harry.......are you okay?" whispered Fred. Harry collapsed into his arms, making them both fall on the couch behind him.  
  
"No!" he muttered into Fred's robes. Fred slid a comforting arm around him.  
  
"Oh, a broken heart, then?" said George as he got on the other side of Harry. He stroked his hair, "What happened?"  
  
"I found out I was gay."  
  
"The best of us are." said Fred, looking over at George lovingly.  
  
"Yeah, well I'm also in love." Harry green eyes met Fred's brown ones. They looked hauntingly like Ron's. George and Fred cuddled him from in front and behind.  
  
"Who?" they pressed on cautiously.  
  
"I'm in love with Ron. And he's mad at me."  
  
"Really??! You told him!" whispered George incredulously.  
  
"No. I just told him I was gay. Then we got in a fight." He slowly began to calm down.  
  
"He got upset because you told him you were gay? Well, we'll have to have a chat with that brother of ours."  
  
"No.........I don't want to talk about it right now. Oh," he checked the clock, "I really need to go to class."  
  
"What do you have next?" George inquired.  
  
"Herbology."  
  
"Okay then. You'll just stay up here with us." replied George as he rubbed smooth circles into Harry's arm.  
  
"I can't!" Harry stood up. "I have to go! If I do stay here, what will I say?"  
  
"First of all, George is right. You are in no way, emotionally, ready to go to class. Especially one with Ron in it. Second, tell Professor Sprout you had a restless night and took a little too much of Madam Pomfrey's wonderful sleeping potion. Sprout will understand." Fred kissed Harry on the top of his head, inches away from the lightening-shaped scar. "So calm down. When you're ready you can tell us everything that happened."  
  
Harry settled between Fred and George. He had always enjoyed their radiating auras. It was light and airily. With Harry in the middle, Fred and George's body heat covered him like a cozy blanket. The kind of blanket that you curl up in, desperately seeking more. Harry curled into Fred as George hugged him tightly like he never wanted to let go.  
  
Harry was engulfed in their sweet scent. They smelled of chocolate, vanilla, strawberries, sex and of youth. He really couldn't explain the last scent but he knew it as youth.  
  
"I think I like being in the middle." Harry smiled. He felt them shift positions. Now Fred was laying back with George and Harry on either side of him. Harry, almost instinctively, wrapped one of his leg around Fred's. George followed suit.  
  
"We can make it better Harry, we promise." Fred sighed.  
  
"Or we'll die trying." George laughed. Harry grinned at their sincere smiles.  
  
"Now that's the smile we've grown accustom to." they said in stereo.  
  
For the rest of the morning, until lunch, they stayed in that position. Shortly, thereafter, they drifted off to a light sleep. All the while with content smiles on their faces. 


	6. 6

Disclaimer: I Don't own them  
  
  
  
Chapter Six  
  
  
  
Ron and Hermione walked down the stairs to the Great Hall for lunch.  
  
"I wonder where Harry is?" voiced Hermione as they reached the doorway.  
  
"I don't know." shrugged Ron. Truth be told, he was quite worried. His worrying began in Herbology. Ron thought that maybe Harry was running late; but by the end of class, Ron was thoroughly afraid when Harry never showed up. He trooped across the sloping lawns to the Care of Magical Creatures. Hopeful, he glanced towards Hagrid's hut.  
  
'Maybe he is there with Hagrid.' Ron rationalized. He wasn't. Even Malfoy noticed.  
  
"I see you're missing the president of your Mudblood-lovers club." he said in his 'I-am-superior-than-thou' voice.  
  
Ron didn't instantaneously burst into anger as he usually does when hears Malfoy speak. He was too busy worrying about where the bloody hell Harry was.  
  
Hermione looked towards Ron. She noticed his irrational fidgeting. Her female instincts kicked in. He was obviously concern about Harry.  
  
" I know, I'm starting to wonder about Harry and his whereabouts too." she said, putting a hand on Ron's shoulder reassuringly.  
  
"He wasn't in the common room or the dorms." Ron grumbled. Secretly Ron was beginning to miss Harry. He was starting to think Harry hadn't shown up because of him.  
  
'The only reason,' Ron thought, 'he snapped the other day was because he's under alot of pressure to be the wizarding world's savior.'  
  
"Do you think You-Know-Who's got him? Maybe we should go speak to Dumbledore." That's Hermione for you: either consult a book or in the meanwhile tell Professor Dumbledore.  
  
"I hope not!" Ron exclaimed. They stood at the doors of the Great Hall in an awkward silence.  
  
"Oh great Merlin's Beard! How long did we sleep?"  
  
"Blimey! It's lunchtime!"  
  
"Good, I'm hungry." They both turned around to see Fred, George and Harry clamber down the staircase.  
  
"And where were you all?! And what have you been up to? Hermione asked.  
  
"Um…hello to you too!" George said a little too cheerily.  
  
"Oh nowhere!" Fred said as he looked over at Harry.  
  
"You missed Care of Magical Creatures AND Herbology!" cried Hermione aloud.  
  
"I was sick." Harry lied. He felt Ron's gaze on him.  
  
'You better not look into his eyes or else you'll get lost in those magnificently chocolate orbs. Don't do it! You can't have him so forget him and find someone new.' The voice breathed in Harry's ear.  
  
"Are you okay? Why didn't you go to Madam Pomfrey's office?" Ron asked suspiciously.  
  
Harry looked up at Ron. He wasn't going to let Ron get to him so easily. Harry just realized that the voice had actually said something somewhat positive.  
  
"Well, see, I was terribly ill. I tried to make it down the stairs but, well…"  
  
"He puked. I mean it was horrible! He passed out on the couch and we didn't want to leave him there by himself so…" Fred trailed off.  
  
"We stayed with him. We ended up having to bring him upstairs to my bed and we fell asleep." George added.  
  
This was partly true. Harry woke Fred and George up 10 minutes before the bell for second block rang. They headed up to George's bed, pulled the curtains closed and fell back to sleep.  
  
"Oh, next time go to Madam Pomfrey's office or go get someone to take you there!" Hermione scolded. "But as long as you are okay, I can't fuss. I'll give you the homework later on."  
  
"There ye are, Harry!' Hagrid said as he clapped him on the back. This friendly gesture sent Harry's glasses askew. "I couldn't help but o'er hear you all. Harry you should go to Pomfrey."  
  
"It's okay. I fell better now." Harry straightened his glasses.  
  
"Good ter hear. Don't worry, I won't assign you a detention. Also, I'll tell professor Sprout. Don't eat anything too heavy." Hagrid walked off.  
  
"I guess we should go eat. Come on Harry." George said as he tried to break the eye contact that Ron and Harry hadn't yet to break.  
  
"Coming." Harry left with the twins to go to sit down at the Gryffindor table.  
  
* * *  
  
1 Later that day, Harry and Hermione sat in the common room. Ron had headed upstairs to get some early shuteye.  
  
"Harry, you're pretty lucky that Sprout and Hagrid believed your ridiculous story. You didn't even get a warning." Hermione said with her head down, finishing as essay for Potions. Harry sat in astonishment. She was right; Sprout and Hagrid asked if he was okay and Professor Sprout even excused him from the assignments.  
  
"So what were you really doing up here?"  
  
"I was sick, remember?" Harry squirmed in his chair across from Hermione.  
  
"You don't have to lie to me. You can tell me anything. Don't forget, last night you said you would talk to me about what happened between you and Ron." She put her quill down and focused on Harry.  
  
"I was here, with Fred and George…" He sighed.  
  
"And…?"  
  
"We stayed up here. I wasn't really sick."  
  
"I knew it. What else happened?" She pressed on.  
  
"I ….we…I don't know where to begin!"  
  
"Start at the beginning of today."  
  
"I woke up, came down here and decided not to go down to breakfast. To figure out what to do about Ron and me. And I started to think, really seriously." He didn't want to tell her about how the voices in his head were telling him some evil things. He didn't want to frighten her.  
  
"Then what else happened?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Fred and George came down and snapped me out of my daze. I ended up spilling the beans out my sexuality and other things." He added off- handedly.  
  
"What do you mean, other things?"  
  
"I mean," He couldn't postpone this any longer. "I'm in love with Ron."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"You're not angry are you?"  
  
"Of course not. I kind of always expected it. You and him are always together; you two were a horrible mess when you two weren't talking the last time you had an argument. Let us not forget, the Triwizard Tournament. The second task, remember? The one thing you couldn't live without. Your Wheezy."  
  
"Yeah." He smiled as he remembered his reaction when he found that, indeed, Ron was the one thing he couldn't live without. It was true. Ron was his very first friend he ever had. The first person to show him emotions, love, caring. Ron shared his family with Harry after all!  
  
"I wouldn't doubt it if Ron had some type of feelings toward you other that friendship."  
  
"What?" Harry looked into Hermione's eyes. "Do you know something?"  
  
"No, I can tell. Don't quote me on this. I don't want to get your hopes up."  
  
"What?! Spill it 'Mione!"  
  
"Well, I think that Ron does like you more than a friend because today he was rather worried about you. I mean, he kept on looking towards the castle, half-expecting to see you emerge from it. Malfoy made a comment about your absence and Ron didn't even get mad or threaten to punch him out.  
  
Also, he's so loyal to you. No matter what happens to you, Ron is always by your side. He's always there to give you a helping hand or comfort you. He sees the real Harry that the rest of us don't get a chance to see. He helps you out or gives you a boost and his effort goes unappreciated."  
  
"I appreciate what he does!" Harry replied incredulously.  
  
"You probably do, but he's always introduced or recognized as Harry's best friend of Bill's younger brother. Being with you, even being with me, always puts him in the shadows. He could suddenly snap and try to hurt you but instead he stays in the shadows. He lets you shine and he is forever loyal to you. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes. Um, I'm starting to get a little sleepy."  
  
"Alright then, G'night."  
  
"Goodnight, Hermione. Don't stay too up to long." Harry headed up the steps to the 5th year boys' dorms. He wasn't very tired. He just couldn't stand to listen to some the evidence Hermione had to prove that there might be more than friendship on Ron's mind. Harry knew it could only interfere with his plans to stop some of his pain. 


	7. 7

A/N: Hello everyone! This is dedicated to all my friends and beta readers. Thanx for all the responses I've received! I just want to apologize for the fact that there is incest in the story. Though it maybe not be completely in your face, it's there and slightly subtle. Incest is very wrong, I know this, and in some cases it is very serious (molestation). But in this story it's a happy thing. Here in HP world where being gay is not shunned apon (or at least I hope) I would like to think that Fred/George's relationship isn't that bad. I can still see people shaking their head 'no' to the idea. I am sorry, but this, in a way, helps with the plot. So please, sit back and relax and overlook the serious subject of incest. Let the true meaning behind the story shine. With that said, please no one flame me about the subject and one more time…I'm sorry! ^_^  
  
  
  
1.1 Chapter 7  
  
  
  
Many weeks went by since the little discussion Hermione and Harry had in the common room. Ron and Harry still made no attempts to reconciliation. People were starting to spread rumors of ways the ex-best friends became no more. Many thought that maybe Ron couldn't stand being second best to Harry and broken the whole friendship off. Others explained that Ron was having feelings for Hermione and Harry couldn't take it anymore.  
  
One thing was for sure though. Time. It passed steadily. Hours turned to days. Days to weeks and weeks to months. It was now the holiday season, one week until holiday break in fact. Today, was their first and probably finally day the school was going to Hogsmeade. Ron was glad to finally be able to wonder around outside these gray, dull walls. As he sat down at breakfast, he noticed that his brothers were spending less time with him and more of it with Harry.  
  
Even though, he and Harry hadn't spoken in about 3 months, he was still willing to share his family with him. Harry did after all have no family. The Dursleys didn't count. But, he was their brother. Every moment Fred and George weren't off in class or inventing new products, they were with Harry. Either in their room or in the common room or even out during Quidditch practice. It made Ron rather suspicious to what were some of the going ons that were happening behind closed doors.  
  
"Hello Ron." Hermione voiced as she sat down next to him.  
  
"Oh hey." He piped up. He didn't want Hermione thinking he was still depressing over the Harry situation. Harry hadn't thought twice about it so why should he. "Can't wait 'til we leave this place. The fresh air and new environment…maybe it will do the whole school some good."  
  
"Yeah, I agree. Everyone has begun to get cabin fever. Either they are being grumpy and angry or having hallucinations about being Roman men running around in togas." She smiled. Last night, in celebration of going out to Hogsmeade, the Gryffindor Tower was filled with music and everyone had fashioned togas from bed sheets. "I don't think I ever had so much fun!"  
  
Ron smiled back. "See it's always good to have fun once in awhile." He and Hermione became better friends than before in the wake of Harry leaving him. He never noticed that even though she was a smart person who busied herself with work and reading, she had her fun streak. Lately they had been rubbing off of one another. Hermione was becoming a little looser and Ron was focusing better on his schoolwork.  
  
"It is! But I think you had too much fun! I think you should get drunk more often." She giggled.  
  
"Umm…" Ron blushed, "I couldn't help myself! I hadn't had such a good time in all my life." Ron spent half the night with a glass of butter beer in one hand and the other hand up Seamus' shirt. Last night he was smashed! He ended up making out with Seamus in the corner, in a chair, on the table, on the steps and in his bed.  
  
"I don't think I've seen anyone make out with the same person in so many different places in one night!" she laughed. "Where did you two go? One minute you were on the floor, the next minute you were gone."  
  
"Oh…well, we went upstairs, to his bed, and made out, touched and Seamus gave me my first blow job." Ron said nonchalantly. He took a bite of toast. Hermione, however, sat with her mouth in a perfect o.  
  
"You're kidding, aren't you?"  
  
"No. We were upstairs and I was pretty aroused. So he offered to help me out with it, so I accepted."  
  
"How did it feel?"  
  
"It could've been better, if you asked me. He was good, sure, but there was something missing when I came in his mouth. I do have to say that when he drank from me, it was pretty hot…the little cum slut." Ron smiled at the memories that came flooding back from last night.  
  
"I think I know what it was." Hermione said as she grabbed for some marmalade. She began to spread a generous amount of it on her biscuit.  
  
"What?" he turned himself to her. "Maybe it would have been better if I wasn't drunk."  
  
"No. He just wasn't the right guy." She licked her fingers as the marmalade dripped onto them. "I mean. It could have been whole lot better if the person who was sucking you off was someone you genuinely loved." It was now Ron's turn to sit in utter surprise. It wasn't like Hermione to use such crude language.  
  
"Herm, what did you say? 'Sucking you off'! Next thing we know, you'll be using words like shit, fuck and BLOODY HELL!" he grinned widely.  
  
"Ron, I'm serious. Maybe if it was…" She nodded her head to the end of the table. Ron looked in that direction and saw Harry laughing at some joke Fred just told.  
  
"I thought we weren't going to talk about him." He suddenly grew quiet.  
  
"I know. I can't help myself. Hurry up so we can go and get ready." She grabbed his arm and they went to Gryffindor Tower to get ready for Hogsmeade.  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
The crisp December air whipped around the Hogwarts students viciously. Everyone from third year and up was huddled into the Three Broomsticks just as the sky shed raindrops. Everyone grumbled about the English rain. Except Ron. He loved the rain. How it seemed to wash away the dirt that collected on the skin after a rousing game of Quidditch. He loved how it seemed to match his mood. The gray sky crying tears of sorrow. It seemed to rain a lot lately. Ron didn't care much as he stood in the chilling rain.  
  
Many watched him from inside, with their mugs of warm apple cider with a hint of caramel. They thought him daft; he would surely catch his death. He could care less. Last night was great but it brought dreams with him. Of, who else…Harry Potter.  
  
He couldn't explain these dreams. They were of swirling colors, pictures and Harry. He told Hermione of them, thinking something was wrong with him and his body was trying to tell him. But what she came back with startled him. She said that the colors represented feelings of unrequited love.  
  
Bullshit was the first word that came to mind. But as he sat through her speech, he started to understand what she was talking about. He just couldn't come to terms with it. He couldn't be…gay. He loved women. He loved their curves, their hips, breast, hair. What wasn't there to love about them? But then there was a man's masculinity. His animalistic tendencies. His soft yet callused hands. Rough tongue…okay, he was bisexual. He could deal with that.  
  
He lifted his face heavenward and let the rain wash over his face. The bitter sting of the water running down his face was a stimulating reminder of the reality around him. He was having feelings for men.  
  
'Good start,' he reminded himself, 'we figured that much last night.' He laughed aloud. Of course, he was all over Seamus last night, right? He smiled again. He had a thought. He took off his cloak and robe, leaving him in his in his school uniform which consisted of a white button up shirt, tie and a pair of casual black slacks. The tie was red and gold stripes; each house wore a tie that corresponds to their house colors. He, then, ran out in the rain.  
  
He spun around, feeling the cold sweep over his body like death. It was absolutely invigorating. He frolicked, jumped and splashed. He felt like a kid again. Those were the good old days. When he was normal without a care in the world. Those were the days before Harry stepped in his life. Harry was the root of all his problems but he loved every thought that bombarded him everyday. It seemed that he fancied him.  
  
Little did Ron know he wasn't the only one in the rain. Ron soon collided into a certain someone, sending them both to the ground.  
  
"I'm so sorry. I was just being free. Stupid really but the rain is so freeing like." Ron rambled as he turned to the guy on the ground. (A/N: Guess who bumped into Ron?)  
  
He did a double take when he saw the raven hair, emerald eyes and glasses. Harry. 


	8. 8

Title: Innocence of the Heart  
  
Author: Ashley  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Harry has just discovered his feelings for his friend Ron. He doesn't know how to handle or tell Ron about his feelings so he does what most men do. He pushes Ron away. So Harry does everything in his power to get Ron out of his life. Of course it doesn't work.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Wish I did though!  
  
A/N: I hope this doesn't sound too crappy!  
  
  
  
1.1  
  
1.2  
  
1.3  
  
1.4  
  
1.5  
  
1.6 Chapter 8  
  
"'S okay. I wasn't paying much attention myself. I love the rain. It's so pure and innocent." He muttered looking up to see whom he bumped into. He immediately knew the boy in front of him. The red hair now matted down to his forehead, those brown, lively eyes. Ron.  
  
"Hello Harry." Ron murmured, looking down towards his feet.  
  
"Hello." Harry replied. After a short time, they entered an awkward silence. Harry looked past Ron, towards the trees blowing in the wind. Ron, looking up at the sky. Silently asking, who ever was supposed to be up there, 'Why me?'  
  
"Some party last night." Ron smiled. He wanted to embrace this time with Harry. Well, with the new discovery he made, he thought he might as well enjoy his company.  
  
'When will the next time you'll be able to talk to him?' he thought.  
  
"Yeah, wild." Harry grinned. He did have fun. He talked with his friends, got smashed and had a wonderful after party with the twins.  
  
"Who was the one who thought of the whole toga thing?" contemplated Ron.  
  
"I did." Harry said sheepishly. The rain turned to a light drizzle.  
  
"What?" said Ron incredulously. "No offense but you must have had a serious case of cabin fever to have thought up such a crazy idea!"  
  
"Yes…and no. I just thought that it would be funny to see what people would do to make those things."  
  
"Well, great idea. And giving Angelina the doorman as her prize for best costume was ingenious." (A/N: I know! I go this idea from Real World/Road Rules: Battle of the Season)  
  
"Yeah. Well, it seems that you had a good time too." Harry added off- handedly.  
  
"Who didn't?" Ron gazed into Harry's eyes. He realized something was missing from them. One thing was their liveliness. He had always though of that as one of Harry's best qualities. If you gazed into his eyes you could see a plan forming from inside his head. Sometimes, they would tell his deepest secrets: his emotions. But today, they seemed stagnant, empty and definitely unemotional.  
  
"I mean you with Seamus. I thought you were straight. Especially after all the harsh things you said to me!" Harry blew a piece of hair out of his eyes.  
  
"I know. And I'm sorry about it, but you made me so mad. I thought we were friends. You told me your secret and I still cared about you. Just because you're gay doesn't make you any different."  
  
"Well, I would hope you would accept homosexuality. Because the way you were all over Seamus, I thought you two were an item."  
  
'What did he say? It sounds like he's…jealous?' Ron questioned to himself.  
  
"See…that's the thing. I'm…" now it was Ron's turned to reveal a secret to Harry. "I'm bisexual. In fact I have a crush on a guy right now. But I still love women." He smiled.  
  
Harry looked back into Ron's eyes for the first since he bumped into him. Ron saw frustration, surprise and a bit of hope.  
  
"Really?" Harry whispered.  
  
"Yup. I came to this realization a few weeks ago. I so desperately wanted to tell you but you were always off somewhere with Fred and George. But I'm happy you know now." Ron felt the heat radiate of Harry. He drastically craved to grasp Harry in his arms and rejoice in his warmth. He knew it could never happen but a man can dream, right?  
  
"Good for you and thanks for telling me. Now I have someone to talk about guys with." Smiled Harry.  
  
"Isn't that what Fred and George are for?"  
  
"No. They're there as a confidence boost."  
  
"You! The great Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, is having low self-esteem problem? The world must be coming to an end!" exclaimed Ron theatrically.  
  
"Sod off!" Harry playfully pushed Ron.  
  
"I'm so scared. What are you going to do to me?"  
  
"This!" Harry lunged at Ron and tackled him to the ground. They wrestled each other in the mud for a few minutes. Before long, the two boys were out of breath, with Harry lying on top of Ron.  
  
Harry placed his head on Ron's chest, listening to his heartbeat as it returned to its normal rate. Ron lazily ran his fingers through Harry's wet hair. The mood changed from a lighthearted game between two reunited friends to a tranquil yet disturbing mix of emotions. The emotions were so thick in the air that Harry could feel Ron's devotion pulsating. (A/N: That's the best I could come up with)  
  
This scared Harry to the core. He began to gently shake all the while feeling like he was crying on the inside. He started to get up but caught a glimpse into Ron's poetic brown eyes. Ron smiled lightly; Harry was mesmerized. Ron cautiously lifted his head, his target in his sight. Harry looked down timidly. He closed his eyes just as Ron softly caressed his lips with his own.  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
"So, do you understand the plan?" Hermione questioned. She took a sip of her butter beer, silently thanking God for being inside where it was nice and warm instead of outside in the cold and rain.  
  
"Yes, but what are we going to do since Mum and Dad are leaving to visit Charlie?" George said. Fred and George were sitting across the table Hermione sat at.  
  
"Just say that you're going to stay at Lee's house over holiday break."  
  
"Okay I think that's everyone except you." Said Fred.  
  
"I'm staying with my parents. So, the whole Gryffindor Tower will be empty but Ron and Harry will be there alone which should get the ball rolling with those two. Are you sure Harry likes Ron?"  
  
Fred and George nodded in response. 


	9. 9

Disclaimer: Don't own them  
  
  
  
1.1.1.1 Chapter Nine  
  
  
  
Outside, as the rain ebbed away, the two boys stayed as they were. Ron underneath Harry, his fingers entangled in raven-colored strands and Harry, relishing in Ron's loving strokes. Harry modestly opened his mouth to allow Ron's tongue to enter. Harry was lost in the moment. Finally, he could feel the lightweight of his tongue; he could now scrape the tiny buds, which produced a slight moan from Ron.  
  
Ron was in total euphoria. He was snogging the boy who had turned his world upside down. Made him realize his true feelings. He was with Harry. In this close embrace, the both of them felt their sinful worries of their innocent surroundings melt away, leaving the two of them in a state of nothing but emotions of the most purest kind.  
  
They soon broke away to catch their breath. Harry felt a wave of confusion wash over him. The voices told him he could never have Ron but here he is. Out of breath with his swollen, just kissed lips. Maybe everything they said wasn't right.  
  
"So, I'm your crush?" said Harry sheepishly. Ron placed butterfly kisses up and down Harry's neck. He was trying to find the perfect place to mark him.  
  
"Yes." Ron nipped at a spot under Harry's ear.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Don't sound so surprised!" Ron looked into Harry's emerald orbs. "I've found you attractive since last year."  
  
"There's nothing too great about me." Harry whispered as Ron went back to biting and sucking on his neck. When Ron finished he sat up with Harry in his lap.  
  
"There is so much about you that is spectacular."  
  
"No, there's nothing. Most people can't stand me. I cause too much trouble."  
  
Ron placed a hand on either side of Harry's face. "Harry, you are not trouble. No one hates you. And if they do, then they are just jealous. You are a loyal, intelligent, brave, compassionate person."  
  
"I make trouble. Where ever I go, Voldemort follows." Harry felt Ron cringe under him at the sound by the Dark Lord's name.  
  
"Well, you can't help that. He wants you dead because you almost killed him when you were one year old. And that whole Cedric thing…we are all upset by that. So don't say that kind of thing. You didn't ask for this fame and you don't deserve all the negatives of it. Harry, I'll protest you the best I can. I'll hold you when you have those god-awful dreams. I'll be the shoulder you cry on. Hell I have two!" he smiled.  
  
Harry buried his face in Ron's shoulder. "You're too good to me."  
  
"I can't help it. I like you."  
  
Harry looked up into Ron's eyes. He gingerly moved a piece of Ron's hair out of his eyes. " I like you too." He leaned in and kissed Ron. Ron pulled back and smiled.  
  
"You do? This is such an honor. The Harry Potter likes me!"  
  
"Oh shut up!" Harry mumbled into Ron's lips as he kissed him back.  
  
"So…"  
  
"So…what?" Harry trailed a finger up and down the side of Ron's cheek.  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
"You can let me do something one last time."  
  
"What may this be?" Ron raised his eyebrow questioningly.  
  
"Nothing. Just something secretive that I do." Harry filled in.  
  
"You shouldn't be keeping secrets from me. I am your boyfriend after all."  
  
"My boyfriend! I like the sound of that." Harry sighed as he snuggled into Ron's warmth.  
  
"Well, I would think I was your boyfriend. I did already mark you as my own!" Ron touched to spot where he was previously sucking and nibbling.  
  
"Ron! You didn't!" Harry laughed.  
  
"I did. Hey, why don't we go inside and warm up?" Ron suggested as he got up, pulling Harry with him.  
  
"Um…"  
  
"Don't worry. We won't tell anyone until you're ready." He put a comforting arm around Harry's shoulders. Just before they walked in, Harry kissed Ron.  
  
"I love your lips." Harry held the door open as they walked in to order two cups of hot chocolate.  
  
  
  
Inside, Ron ordered their drinks with Harry next to him, not wanting to leave his side just yet.  
  
"So, where are you going to sit?" pondered Harry as he leaned against the counter.  
  
"What do you mean?" Ron queried.  
  
"I mean are you going to sit with me or are you going to sit with Hermione?"  
  
"I don't care. Hermione would be pleased to see us trying to become friends."  
  
"I'd say she's a little too late for that." Said Harry slyly. Their hot chocolates soon arrived. Harry placed both his hands on either side of the mugs. The heat from the cup went up his fingers and he was instantly warmed.  
  
"It seems that Hermione is busy with Fred and George. So I guess we should go take a seat near the fire. At least we're starting to dry up." Said Ron as they headed over to the loveseat that was placed in front of the fire in back.  
  
"What are you going to do for holidays?" questioned Harry as he discretely brushed his leg against Ron's. He wanted to go back to the castle and hug, kiss, cuddle and do other things with Ron. It still amazed him that he was with Ron. Even though they just began to see each other just a few minutes ago, Harry thought he was on top of the world.  
  
"Why?" Ron sipped his drink.  
  
"Well, I know I'm staying here. I thought that maybe you would be leaving since you were mad at me."  
  
"I was never mad at you!" Ron said as he looked into the fire. Sure, he was mad that day in August and the day after but a week later Ron wanted to apologize. The only thing that stopped him was his damned pride.  
  
"So you say…but you are staying here, right?"  
  
"Absolutely. I don't know about Fred and George but I am."  
  
"Good." Smiled Harry.  
  
"Hey everybody! Look! It finally stopped raining." Exclaimed Justin Finch- Fletchley. An enormous sound of chairs scrapping against the floor and the chatter of students rushing towards the windows erupted inside the small pub.  
  
Shortly thereafter, the Three Broomsticks was emptied of the Hogwarts students that previously occupied it  
  
"Well, I guess we should enjoy this little time alone." Ron said as he put his arm around Harry.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so." Harry sighed in contentment as he snuggled into Ron's embrace. Peace and relaxation finally washed over Harry as he and Ron stayed as they were until it was time to go back to the castle. 


	10. 10

1.1.1.1 Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the plot!  
  
1.1.1.2  
  
1.1.1.3  
  
1.1.1.4 Chapter Ten  
  
  
  
Later that day, back at the castle, Ron sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. It was dinnertime and the students were glad to be back inside, out the cold weather that they had to trudge in to come back.  
  
He sat anxiously awaiting the arrival of Harry. He didn't know what was keeping him. How long does it take someone to change his or her clothes? Also, where was Fred or George? Ron wanted to tell his brothers the good news. At least he could tell Hermione the news.  
  
"Hey Ron." Hermione said as she, for the second time that day, interrupted Ron's thoughts. "What's up?"  
  
"Nothing too much." He smiled.  
  
"Well, you're in a good mood considering the fact that you were outside in the freezing rain."  
  
"I'm happy! Can't I be happy?"  
  
"Of course you can but why? Did something happen between you and Harry?" she sat down beside him.  
  
"Yes! How's did you know?" he looked at her suspiciously.  
  
"Women's intuition…so details! Details!"  
  
Ron went into the amazing story on how he was having fun in the rain and the he bumped into a person. It was Harry and he went on to explain how he forgave Harry and Harry forgave him, then the wrestling and the kiss. Oh that splendid kiss. So filled with passion and intensity.  
  
"So you two are together?" Hermione asked. Maybe her plan could now be used as a Christmas gift.  
  
"I would say so. He told me, in Three Broomsticks, that he had feelings for me that were more than friendship for some time now. He didn't realize what they meant until last summer. You know, when he decided that, yes he was gay."  
  
"Good for you two!" she hugged Ron. Finally, her two best friends could be happy for a change. "Well, go get him. I want to hug him too! We haven't talked together for sometime!"  
  
"Alright, be back in a second." He raced out of the Great Hall and up to the Gryffindor Tower.  
  
He climbed the steps as quick as a flash. He wanted to see if there was any chance that the two of them could kiss a littler longer. When he reached the portrait he muttered the password ("gillyweed") and looked around the common room.  
  
"Harry." He said aloud. He quickly circled the common room and found himself going up the stairs, taking them two at a time.  
  
//Harry where the bloody hell are you?// Ron thought to himself. For some odd reason his body took him to his brothers' dorm room while his mind screamed to go to his own room. Wouldn't Harry be in there, changing? Ron didn't know how wrong he was.  
  
As he approached the bedroom he noticed that the door was partially open. Curiosity got the best of him and he squinted to see what was going on. What he saw was utterly shocking.  
  
There was Harry, shirtless putting on his jeans, and Fred and George, together in bed, obviously nude. Harry had a bundle of his robes in his arms.  
  
//Maybe there was a mix up while they were packing during the summer and some of their clothes were in the others trunk.// Ron desperately rationalized. He dismissed this thought as soon as they began to speak.  
  
"I hope you and Ron are happy." George said softly.  
  
"Thank you." Said Harry graciously.  
  
"You know if anything happens, you always have us to take care of you." Fred said fondly.  
  
"I know. Those were some good times, weren't they? I don't think I'll be coming back. You two helped a lot." Smiled Harry.  
  
"Well, it was no big deal with such a wonderful person like you." George said with a slight blush creeping up on his glistening cheeks.  
  
"You guys are the best." Harry headed towards the door but stopped when he heard Fred's grunt of protest.  
  
"What now?" Harry had his back to Ron now.  
  
//Yeah what?!// Ron thought angrily.  
  
"One last kiss." Fred pouted.  
  
//One last kiss? Were there more from previous encounters?// screamed Ron inside the emptiness that was his head. It was devoid of everything. Emotions, rational thoughts, careless explanation…everything! All he could think of was this heavy betrayal of his brothers and his boyfriend of a few hours. So was this what he was talking about when he had do something that was a secret? Ron was now glued to this spot. He wanted to learn more.  
  
Harry tilted his head and grinned. "Sure." He walked up to the twins and placed a more than innocent kiss on each set of perfectly duplicated lips. "Bye guys."  
  
Harry smiled silently to himself as he heard the muttered good-byes for the boys behind him. This smiled soon faded as he opened the door. There stood Ron with a look of confusion, hurt and anger.  
  
"Busted." Was all Ron could say.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
a/n: Today sucked so Harry and Ron must suffer too! * insert evil laugh * Also, no one is reviewing and it kinda has me upset. I won't keep any up and coming chapters but I would appreciate it if more people would tell me what they thought. Hell I'll take flames! 


	11. 11

1.1.1.1 Disclaimer: Don't own them!  
  
1.1.1.2  
  
1.1.1.3 Chapter Eleven  
  
"Ron! Wait up. Please, let me explain!" Harry exclaimed as he chased after Ron. He didn't want Ron to find out about the secret "meetings" he was having with his brothers this way. He was going to truly tell him that night when they were alone.  
  
"No Harry! I don't want to hear your lame excuses." Ron murmured. He was trying not to cry. Harry didn't deserve to see his tears. He had cried enough over him but not anymore. No more feeling hurt or worried about Harry. Why should he care about what's going on with Harry if he's going around and sleeping with his brothers?  
  
They rushed down the steps. Ron was trying to get away from Harry and Harry trying to keep Ron in his sight.  
  
"Ron?" Harry placed a hand on Ron shoulder. He turned him around just before he reached the portrait hole.  
  
"What the hell do you want? Do you want to tell me that what happened backed there was a misunderstanding? Or are you going to tell me that it was a one time thing?"  
  
"It wasn't." Harry whispered as a few tears slid down his cheeks. He knew he shouldn't have done it. He knew he shouldn't have gone back. He was happy. He was in love with Ron who loved him back. Now, he wasn't so sure if Ron could ever love him.  
  
"Wasn't what Harry?" he seethed with anger. Harry winced as he heard and felt the strong aggressive emotions that were put into his name. Ron made his name sound like the dirtiest, most hateful word know to mankind.  
  
"That wasn't the first time. I've been doing this for-"  
  
"HARRY!" shouted Hermione with joy.  
  
Ron looked abruptly over his shoulder to see Hermione climbing out the portrait hole.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Ron questioned as Harry wiped away the tears.  
  
"Well, you were taking too long. I wanted to see the happy couple!" She waltzed up to Harry and placed her arms around his neck in an affable manner.  
  
"Hey, why the long face Harry?" she peered into his eyes. He quickly looked to the ground.  
  
"I'm leaving." Ron left the tower without waiting for a reply.  
  
"He hates me." Harry cried as he heard the portrait close shut.  
  
"What?"  
  
"HE hates ME!"  
  
"No he doesn't."  
  
"I did something very bad. And it effected him greatly."  
  
"Tell me what happened, but let's sit down."  
  
Harry nodded his head has he dragged himself to the closest couch. Hermione sat down next to him.  
  
"Tell me what happened." She said soothingly.  
  
"Ron just caught me kissing Fred and George." Harry whispered as he covered his face with his hands in despair.  
  
Hermione looked at Harry with the utmost shock present on her gentle features. She covered her mouth with her hand while her brow furrowed.  
  
"Harry…how could you? Did it go any further than that?"  
  
"Yes," he mumbled. "I've been sleeping with them for about two months now." Harry began to weep openly.  
  
"Come here." Said Hermione as she opened her arms. Harry, then, crawled into her arms. She cradled him while whispering words of comfort.  
  
Just then, Fred and George came rushing down the stairs. They had obviously quickly dressed as they heard that Ron was outside the door. The older Weasleys walked over to Harry.  
  
"Harry we are so sorry. He shouldn't have found out like that. We shouldn't have made you do that. Please tell me you forgive us." George pleaded.  
  
"Of course." Harry sniffed. He was still snuggled up to Hermione but he had calmed slightly.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" shrieked Hermione.  
  
Everyone looked at her with confusion written all over their faces.  
  
"Excuse me! Hermione! What did you say?" Freed gaped.  
  
"Nevermind that. Harry, why were…" she trailed off, not feeling comfortable with talking about Harry sex, especially with the main subjects sitting right there.  
  
"You mean why was Harry sleeping with us, right?" Said George nonchalantly. He sat down on the floor, next to Fred, and patted Harry's back lightly.  
  
2 "Yeah, Harry why did you?"  
  
Harry poked his head up from his pervious position on Hermione's shoulder.  
  
"I did it so the pain would stop." Whispered Harry weakly.  
  
George, Hermione and Fred looked at him confused. What pain was he speaking of?  
  
"I was depressed. That day you found me," he turned his head to the Weasley boys, "I was in deep thought. Actually I was talking to the voices."  
  
"What do you mean the voices?" pushed Hermione.  
  
"Can we not push it? I have voices in my head that say I'm not good enough for Ron...or anyone else." Cried Harry as he walked toward the dorms, leaving three Gryffindors with more questions instead of answers. 


	12. 12

A/N: This is for Tyler and Roddy! Thanx 4 making me realize I am fucked up and it's kewl to get help!  
  
  
  
'Holy shit' was the first thing that came to Ron's mind as he wandered through the halls of the large castle.  
  
//How could Harry do that? After everything he said about how he cared about me or how much he's dreamt of being with me.// Ron thought aggressively. //He turns around and cheats on me…with my brothers! MY BROTHERS!//  
  
Ron continued on with the disturbing questions, which only lead to possibly even more disturbing answers. Why did he go to them in the first place? How long did it last?  
  
He quickly cleared his head as he entered the Astronomy Tower. This was make-out central to most students but to him it was a place to stare up at the stars. It was his time to be philosophical. To ponder the universe…the other places that are out there in other galaxies. He often wondered if there is a place like Earth out there. And if so, then was there a person out there just like Ron. He took comfort in this fact; he felt that there was someone else exactly like him, with the exact same problems gazing at the exact constellations as he.  
  
As he continued with his thoughts beyond deep, a familiar stranger entered the tower without Ron's detection.  
  
"Why hello there." Said the voice, interrupting Ron.  
  
He turned around to see the very 'boy-next-door' Irish boy named Seamus. He quickly got up from his place on the floor to properly acknowledge him.  
  
"Such the gentleman." He beamed.  
  
"Yeah, that's me alright." Ron mumbled ruefully.  
  
"What's wrong, hun?" Seamus put an arm around Ron in a somewhat comforting manner. Ron instantly broke down crying. Seamus wrapped his other arm around Ron, resting his hand on at the small of his back.  
  
They stayed in this position for a few minutes until Ron raised his head to wipe away the tears. He walked over to the widow and sat on the ledge, looking out at the stars. He refused to talk to Seamus after having an emotional breakdown.  
  
"Please tell me what happened. It's not worth it to hold it all inside." Pleaded Seamus.  
  
Ron simply shook his head in protest. He refused to tell him about Harry and what he did.  
  
"Ron, why not?"  
  
"Because." Ron looked back at the sky.  
  
Seamus quickly devised a plan that may get Ron to talk to him. He hoped it would work. He walked up behind him and looked at the billions of stars in the sky.  
  
"You don't have to tell me what happened. You know that the universe doesn't run on time like us. It has no real beginning or end. Like, take us for example. We feel that our lives drag on forever but in actuality it's like a blink of an eye in the universe's time. Our lives, from when we were born to when we die, is like one blink. Isn't that weird? It makes you realize not to sweat the small stuff. To let things go or let it out seems to be the best thing to do." Seamus wondered aloud. He, then, placed his head on Ron's shoulder.  
  
Ron smiled over to Seamus and leaned his head on Seamus'.  
  
"I see what you're trying to say. And if you must know…Harry and I were together…if you count a few hours as being together."  
  
"What? You and Harry were together? Since when?"  
  
"Since early this afternoon." Scoffed Ron.  
  
"And what happened…if you don't mind telling." Seamus encircled his arms around Ron's mid-section from behind.  
  
"Oh nothing too important…forget about it okay?" Ron relished in Seamus' warmth. He needed this; he needed him to be his Harry for the night.  
  
Ron leaned in and kissed the Irish lad's sweet plush lips. If harry could have his fun, why couldn't he? After a few moments in peace, Seamus pulled away.  
  
"Do you want to…?"  
  
Ron simply disentangled himself from Seamus and moved to the center of the room. He took of his robes and placed them on the ground. He sat on the makeshift bed of robes and unbuttoned this shirt slowly all the while showing is most seductive come hither look that clouded his eyes.  
  
Seamus quickly took off his shirt and recaptured Ron's lips. That night Ron lost all that was innocent about him. 


	13. 13

A/N: Confused there in the last chapter? Me too! Well, it'll all come together in this chapter. Let's pretend this is the first day of the holiday break.Harry and Ron haven't spoke for a week and Ron and Seamus are just friends. They haven't done anything since that fateful night in the Astronomy Tower. If I confused some people, sorry but I'm lazy and I want to see Ron and Harry together and fast.  
  
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Harry woke up feeling heavy with emotions. He and Ron hadn't spoken in a week. He wished he knew why. Yes, Ron was devastated, who wouldn't be? After all he was sleeping with his brothers. Ron would be mad, leave and come back, talk about what happened and everything would good again. But Ron never came back that night. Harry felt as if Ron had done something wrong.he didn't know why but at the pit of his stomach he had this horrible foreboding feeling that he couldn't shake.  
  
He looked over to see Ron's bed, and the others, empty with the curtains pulled back. Had Ron left with the others? This sullen thought made Harry leap out of bed, rush down the steps and stop as soon as saw a splotch of red near the window.  
  
Harry let out a sigh of relief. "Good, he's still here."  
  
"I am," Ron whispered aloud. "I heard you."  
  
Harry slowly walked down the remaining steps. He stood in the middle of the room, letting everything be out in the open. He wanted to solve this problem. Now, if only Ron would show some sign of wanting a resolution.  
  
"Why? Harry why did you do it?" breathed Ron; Harry was in luck.  
  
"It told me too."  
  
"What told you?"  
  
"The voices told me to get rid of the pain. It said that I could never have anyone that would love me. They said--" he was cut off by Ron's uncaring grunts.  
  
"I don't want to hear of those voices." Said Ron with a tone of slight vexation in his speech.  
  
"Excuse me! Don't take that tone with me! You don't know who I am or what I'm about! Don't take that snotty tone with me, you don't know what I'm going through!"  
  
"Oh yes," Ron got up from his previous position in the window ledge. "I forgot who I'm talking to. It's Harry fucking Potter! The one who lived, the one with no parents. You're the famous boy who everyone loves, who knows no hardships! You come into this world you hardly know of and have everything laid out for you on a silver platter. And now when he gets a little insecure he goes about and ruins the best thing in his life!" Ron yelled with malice oozing from his voice.  
  
"Hey! That was low. I thought you knew me but obviously you don't! Do you think I like being Mr. Popularity, that I like being this world's equivalent to God! It frightens me to death knowing that Voldemort," he spat out as tears stained his face, "could come and kill me or you. I HATE IT!" he screamed.  
  
"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah." Ron rolled his eyes.  
  
This broke Harry's heart in two. //How can Ron dismiss me so easily? Be so cold and frosty?// He thought with despair.  
  
"Ron? Are you serious?"  
  
"Yes Harry I am. I asked you a simple questioned and you give me some type of ill-formed self-pity. It's depressing really." He strode passed him. He was going to write a letter to his family to see if they would mind coming to school and taking him home.  
  
"Because I wanted to destroy myself."  
  
"What?" Ron looked back at Harry who was now sitting on the ground.  
  
"I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to hate me which would leave me in a sick depression which would ultimately end up with me killing myself." Harry muttered.  
  
It was time for another heart to break in that room. Harry wanted to die. Ron refused to move from his spot but he did utter some words of comfort.  
  
"Harry, what you're going through is teen angst. Or maybe you need to talk more."  
  
"I need you but I screwed it up." He whimpered.  
  
"No you didn't." Ron said in a hushed tone. "You made a mistake. If you would just own up to it we could figure out what to do. But you won't tell me why you slept with my brothers."  
  
Harry looked up at Ron, tears still cascading down his gentle features like a glittering waterfall. Ron padded across the room towards Harry. He bent down to his level and wiped away the brilliant diamonds of emotions.  
  
"Harry, answer me."  
  
"I can't answer you." Sniffled Harry.  
  
Ron sighed heavily. //Why was he being so difficult?//  
  
"I'm just as frustrated as you are. I don't know why I did it. If I knew, I'd tell you in a heartbeat. I can't though.I can't. I want to tell so badly but as I search for a reason I come up short! Ron, don't leave me. I need you. I want you. Please believe me!" Harry pleaded as he grasped onto Ron's flannel shirt.  
  
Ron rubbed Harry's back. He wanted to believe him. He really did, but how can he if Harry won't tell him why he'd cheat on him? //It'll get worse before it gets better.// Ron rationalized.  
  
"I guess I did it to feel loved. I think I did because I couldn't have you. I know pathetic." He laughed nervously. "But the main reason why I did it was because they were the closest thing to you that I could reach. Don't worry though, they knew why I was doing it but they just wanted to help me. Please don't be mad at Fred and George ."  
  
"I'm not. If we're going to become something more than friends, we have to rebuild the trust on both parts. We have to learn to talk more, open up to each other before we can even think of kissing each other." Said Ron a matter-of-factly.  
  
Hope once again glimmered in Harry's eyes. He smiled brightly at the prospects of a relationship with Ron. "I can do that."  
  
"It takes so long though. I don't think I can deal with all that stress."  
  
"I understand but we could right? Get together again."  
  
"Yes. Right now I want to skip all that talking crap and go straight to the kissing." Smirked Ron.  
  
Harry stared at him expectantly.  
  
"What are you waiting for? Kiss me!"  
  
That statement pulled Harry out of his stupor. He leaned over and placed his lips squarely on Ron's. Instantly, a spark crackled between them. They were finally together, where they belonged. All the emotions from that rainy day came flooding back.  
  
Ron pulled back. "You know how I want us to tell are feeling to one another?"  
  
Harry simply nodded his head.  
  
"Well.I love you."  
  
"I love you too." Harry's eyes shone with new unshed tears.  
  
They went back to kissing. Their hands roamed the others body with fervent strokes.  
  
"I really need to fuck you." Harry mumbled.  
  
"Yes but I want to make love to you...Later on though." Ron said but he begins to take off Harry's clothes.  
  
Harry looked on bewildered, "So why are you doing this?"  
  
"I want to hold you." He said calmly, as he stripped the last of Harry's clothes off, then starting on himself. They were, soon, both naked. Ron took Harry's hand as he led him up the stairs to the boys' dorm.  
  
As he opened the door to their room and crossed the distance to Harry's bed, Harry said:  
  
"Oh, you wanna fuck--I mean make love to me now?" Harry spoke as he put his arms around Ron. Harry captured Ron's lips, quickly inviting his tongue to invade Ron's warm, sweet mouth. Ron melted into his arms yet broke the kiss.  
  
"No, I just want to hold you all night." Said Ron softly  
  
Harry smiled softly. He nodded his head and pulled back the curtains to his 4-poster bed. He pulled back the bed sheets and quickly jumped in; Ron followed. As they moved in a more comfortable position (Ron's arms enveloping his love), Harry sighed in contemptment.  
  
He felt the creamy-smooth skin of Ron, relishing in his warmth, he, too, understood why Ron wanted to cuddle in this fashion. It was the most intoxicating feeling he had ever felt. He now had love. This new feeling, wonderful as it felt, it slightly frightened him.  
  
Ron felt his beloved stiffen. "What's wrong?"  
  
Harry flipped over so that now he was staring into Ron's chocolate brown eyes.  
  
"I'm afraid."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Of what will happen as soon as I have to go back to Privet Drive."  
  
Ron looked utterly shocked and confused.  
  
"See," Harry began, "I'll be going back to place where I'm always alone. Being alone is what keeps me sane. As long as I am alone, I don't have to worry about Uncle Vernon's anger manifesting itself into a fist crashing down on me. Or Dudley and his friends using me as a practice dummy for practical jokes and shoves and pushes. Alone was an exhilarating place to be. Even though it's very lonely." He sighed as a few tears cascaded down his face.  
  
Ron gingerly traced Harry's scar, then down to his cheekbones. Ron gently brushed away the tears, while he felt a few sting his own eyes.  
  
"Now, for the rest of year, I'll be with you. Where I'm not alone, where I feel loved and cared for. Then the summer break will come and I'll be forced back into that loneliness, forced to think of the memories of being with you." Harry whispered. Harry's voice was so soft and quiet that the only way Ron could justify that he even said anything was Harry's gentle breath. "So what do I do?"  
  
"I really don't know. All I can say is that I love you and I can't believe that we have the WHOLE tower to ourselves. So we can make this time useful and make some spectacular memories to take back with you." he said seductively. He couldn't help it; Harry just looked so vulnerable.  
  
He shifted his weight so that now he was hovering on top if Harry. He leaned down and lovingly nipped his lips. Harry smiled as he pulled Ron fully on him. Ron's tongue traced Harry's full lips, awaiting admittance. Harry turned his head.  
  
"What now?" Ron sighed.  
  
"Well, we do have the WHOLE tower to ourselves and we have it for a whole ten days."  
  
"And?"  
  
"You do want to make me happy, right?" He smiled.  
  
"Yeah...of course."  
  
"Well, then, hold me."  
  
"You stupid git." Ron softly laughed as he got in his previous position and once again enveloped Harry in a loving embrace.  
  
"Thank you so much." Harry felt protected, like no one can hurt him anymore. He finally found a place where he belonged. He had many thoughts and emotions going through him. But he couldn't dechiper where one began or where another ended. He fell asleep moments later with Ron rubbing his side soothingly. Ron fell asleep there after, finally at peace and now knowing his place in this hectic life he lives: being here with Harry, protecting him from any and everything possible.  
  
The End  
  
*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*0oo0*  
  
A/N: Whoa! That's the end of this story. ::looks on in wonderment:: I hope that left you hanging because I'm might write a sequel to this called 'Deception of the Heart'. But I'm taking a break for a while. I want to thank:  
  
Paige: Thanx 4 always laughing at Harry's stupidity and also giving me this idea!  
  
Micki: Thanx 4 reading along even thought u don't like this kind of stuff!  
  
Tyler: Thanx 4 being SO kewl!  
  
Rose: Thanx 4 forgiving me!  
  
HarrysBoy: Thanx 4 being a fan of this story!  
  
All my reviewers: I LUV U!!!!! ::hugs::  
  
Thomas: Even thought you didn't know this.Thanx 4 being a dork like/nicknamed Harry Potter!  
  
Lisa Brown: Thanx 4 being the first fan of this!  
  
Everyone on the Harry and Ron mailing list: U all rock! 


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